Unknown: a War of the Roses episode tag
by information specialist
Summary: "One could argue that she had many reasons to be upset. But the source of her pain made her feel such shame that it practically overshadowed the cause itself."
1. Chapter 1

**Unknown: A War of the Roses episode tag**

DISCLAIMER: The Mentalist does not belong to me. It is the creation of Bruno Heller. I'm writing this fiction to express my love for the series and maybe vent a little.

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><p>Lisbon sat in her home, drinking Cabernet from the bottle while a loud action movie played on her television<p>

After she and Jane had exonerated Eve Mulberry, the grateful winemaker had bestowed a couple of her best bottles of wine for the Serious Crimes Unit. Teresa had shared the first bottle with her team, but seeing as they weren't big wine drinkers Jane suggested she keep the second for herself. At the team's insistence Lisbon had gratefully accepted. Later, Jane whispered in her ear that he expected she share the alcoholic beverage with him, seeing as she wouldn't have it if it weren't for his interference. Lisbon had laughed, and they'd agreed to drink a little of it after each case.

_Fat chance…_Lisbon thought as she drained the last of the blurry bottle. It wasn't from the amount of wine she consumed that affected her vision as much as it was from the tears dancing in her eyes.

It hurt. She _hurt. _

_Dammit._

One could argue that she had many reasons to be upset. But the source of her pain made her feel such shame that it practically overshadowed the cause itself.

It wasn't how irate she was that Jane had simply taken over the case as if _he_ were the boss. After all, he'd gone over her head plenty of times before.

It wasn't the way Wainwright completely ignored her concerns in favor of the department's golden boy; there was nothing new there, either.

And despite wanting to punch Jane in the face at the time, her state wasn't due to his obvious enjoyment of how much Erica's presence annoyed her -Jane had always loved screwing with her,

It wasn't even because of Jane's contention that he _needed _Erica, as if Lisbon wasn't able to put on a show when she'd done so many times, even when she wasn't in on the ruse.

No.

She was a wreck because of Jane's reply when she asked him if he'd known Erica would escape, what he'd said when she pointed out that he hadn't answered her question.

"No I didn't, answer your question."

Lisbon buried her face in a pillow as she lay down on her couch, unable to even pretend that that one sentence had not been worse than a slap to the face.

After being Jane's only friend, his one confidence, having him shut her out so simply like that, it made her physically ache.

Worse, she had no idea why he said that. Was he annoyed that she'd been doubting him and so retaliated by denying her the assurance she needed? Did he know how much his statement would hurt her and his inner jerk simply couldn't help preying on the fact? Was it his way of asserting his control over their friendship, letting her know that his confidence was a privilege he bestowed when pleased, and could alternatively hold back at will?

Lisbon didn't know, and she _hated_ not knowing.

What she did know was that she felt utterly broken. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so defeated. And to be reduced to such a state simply because Jane wouldn't confide in her…she despised herself for that.

Lisbon's didn't put up a fight when her muffled tears turned into racking sobs. Knowing she needed the release if she was to ever regain control,she gave into the wave and cried her heart out.

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><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>How about that last episode? It kinda broke my heart, but hey, at least it got me over here again. I figured I won't be able to write an unbiased review unless I exorcised some demons first. There will probably be one more chapter to this one; Jane centered. Reviews would be super.


	2. Chapter 2

**Unknown: A War of the Roses episode tag**

DISCLAIMER: The Mentalist does not belong to me. It is the creation of Bruno Heller. I'm writing this fiction to express my love for the series and maybe vent a little.

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><p>Long after Lisbon left the attic, long after he'd finished his tea and sat brooding for an hour, Jane emerged from his attic. Running on auto, he went into the kitchen to prepare himself another cup of tea. Suddenly, and without an particular reason, he was struck by an intense craving for the Cabernet Eve Mulberry had bestowed upon the team during the last case. As Lisbon was long gone, Jane settled to pick the lock her office, knowing she wouldn't mind. He opened the last drawer in her desk, where the cabernet should have residing, replacing the bottle of tequila she used to have there.<p>

The drawer was empty.

Jane sat in Lisbon's chair thinking about what that meant.

They'd agreed to share it. It was supposed to have been the start of their own little case-closed tradition. But Lisbon had obviously taken it home with her, probably after she left him upstairs.

Jane knew his non-reply of whether he'd known Erica would escape, of whether he'd _let_ Erica escape had rankled her.

But what else could he possibly have told said? That he'd let Erica out of prison because he wanted to see if he was still smarter than her? To see if he could stop her from escaping? He already knew what Lisbon would say to that. After her initial disappointment in him that he'd let a criminal loose for the sake of a game, she'd point out that he lost said game. Then she'd get started on Red John and how wrong Jane was to continue keeping Darcy out of the loop.

Patrick had no interest in that conversation. More importantly, he had no intention of letting Lisbon know that she seemed to be right in her assessment that he was losing his touch.

It was bad enough he was always second guessing himself when it came to Red John, he didn't need Lisbon to do that as well…

**Liar…**

Jane shut his eyes upon hearing his wife's voice in his head. It's been a while since he pretended to talk to her, imagined what she would say.

Of all the times for his brain to conjure her up…

**Erica was right about one thing, you're still pushing people who care about you away. **

_That's not true. _

**It is. Teresa's been supporting you for so long now, more than you ever dreamed she would, even when she disagrees with you. And that's scaring you. You want her to think you were attracted to Erica, that you let her escape, because that might get Teresa to stay away from you. **

_Actually, I'm just worried Lisbon'll stop following my lead if she learns of this mistake. _

**Which mistake? Letting Erica out of prison or allowing her to seduce you?**

Jane rubbed his hands over his face.

_I kissed Erica because I was sick of her trying to get under my skin. So I was trying to get under hers. _

**Riiiight. But you were also testing yourself, you wanted to see if you could, in fact, kiss someone. Turns out you can. That must have been shocking. **

_Not at all. I was just pretending to be affected. It was part of the ruse to let Erica think I was bewitched by her. _

**Uh-huh. Then why don't you tell Teresa that? I'm sure she'd forgive your mistake if she found out the lengths you went to to beat Erica. **

_No. _

**No? **

Jane stood up.

No, he though inwardly as he exited Lisbon's office and set about locking the door again with his picks.

_I thought it was cute when I saw how jealous she was, but the more I think about it, the more hurt she seems by everything. She doesn't need to know more. _

**Who do you think you're kidding? If Lisbon's feelings were your concern you would have just told her the truth instead of shutting her out. What you mean is you want her to suspect you had feelings for Erica, enough that she'd back off a bit, but you don't want her to know something that might make her write you off for good. Like that fact you kissed a criminal. **

_Fine. I'll admit you go away now?  
><em>

**Patrick, you know sooner or later you're going to have to let go of your ego, of this need to control the people around you. You had to to get me, and you'll have to if you want Teresa. **

_Who says I want Lisbon?_

Jane could practically hear how his wife would exhale in exasperation if she were here. She'd go "Fine. Be that way" before leaving him alone so that his words would sink in. After a while, they would and he'd go apologize to her. Because Angela was always right.

But Lisbon, she wasn't Angela. She was his boss. And if he was to continue working the way he wanted he _needed_ her trust.

He couldn't swallow his pride when it came to her. Because that would mean baring his soul completely. And he couldn't do that with Lisbon. Not with the constant threat that she might be taken away from him. It would be the end. It wasn't only Red John he was worried about.

Lisbon was a good person. And more and more, Jane was starting to suspect he wasn't. When he kissed, Erica, he actually felt himself responding to this woman; a wife who killed her innocent husband in cold blood.

Lisbon didn't deserve to be with someone like him, not the way he was now.

And if he didn't put distance between them, then he'd risk losing her to his own lack of morality. She was already more lenient than ever when it came towards him, and Jane suspected it was because she had finally starting feeling for him what he'd been feeling towards her for a while now.

But unlike Angela, Lisbon still didn't know him enough, was still not strong enough to resist his tarnishing of everything around him.

And that's what Jane wanted to prevent; Lisbon from hating herself when she found out what she'd become because of him.

He'd be willing to give his life for that. If he had to push her away to protect her from himself, his darkness, then so be it.

Hearing the click of Lisbon's lock sliding into place, Jane stood up re-entered to make himself another cup of tea before he retreated once more into his solitude.

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><p><strong>I would swallow my pride,<strong>

**I would choke on the rinds,**

**but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside,**

**Swallow my doubt turn it inside out**

**Find nothing but faith in nothing**

**Wanna put my tender**

**heart in a blender**

**Watch it spin around in a beautiful oblivion**

**Rendez-vous then I'm through with you.**

_Eve 6, Inside Out_

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><p><strong>Authors note: <strong>

Please excuse the total wishful thinking here. We were all affected and as I had to be all reasonable when I wrote this episode's review I couldn't help but nurse my wounds with the best possible interpretation for Jane with this fanfic. As to Jane's subconscious conjuring up Angela, I needed her to convey all the possible interpretations. If you liked this method, feel free to check out my other story, Mend This Tear where she plays a pretty important role. Anyway, review please?


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